Poem - Please don't Kill Me!

First,
I didn't really know how to speak.
I could only cry.
Then as I learned from the environment, I tried to make sound like they did.
I began learning how to speak.
Then I knew the alphabet.
I could pronounce A, B, C.
I knew several words.
I learned how to speak.
I knew several languages.

Nowadays,
All sounds out off my mouth can be assembled with a to z.
People accept me as a graduated human being.
I'm welcomed to their community.

Till one day I began to think.
About words that they usually talk,
Liberty, Beyond, Limit, Creativity.

I thought about many,
then I tried to apply to the sound I made.
First I hardly made any sound that couldn't be assembled with a to z.
Now I realize, they'd killed me!

Poem - You Don't Have To

Hi readers...
It has really been awhile since the last time I wrote something here.
I hope you don't miss me. (Oh dear, who will miss you!)

Okay, now I will try to write a poem. It's about my thoughts, about life. Hope you will like this!

The title is... "You Don't Have To".

You Don't Have To

Learn crawling before walking,
Ride bike before motorcycle,
Study math before physics,
No you don't have to.

A broken home single parent shows me what true love is,
A god of gambler teaches me how to be honest,
A prisoner advises me what a good person is,
A thief ask me to not stealing,
Yes you have to.

Because when an idea passes to another,
It's not a matter who it is from,
nor whom it will be given.

Okay, I think it's not like a poem at all.
Anyway, no matter it's a poem, or a letter, or a fiction,
no matter what the label above it, or the wrapper around it,
please look inside it.

Memory

When our song was on the play,
My room changed to the place I'd stayed,
The clock ticked in the counter way,
Everything was black white and gray,

It had been a one find day.

Question - Why we are here?

Why we are here in the world?

Life is a Big Game

My sis asked: Then, what about people that "living just for passing by each day, same as every day"? Does it have a meaning? (in this life) For "nothing is meaningless".

My opinion:
Since there isn't 100% true in this world, therefore, I wouldn't dare to say it's a wrong way to live your life. If the person happy for just living like that, then why not? If, the person is my friend, and I think there is something wrong, like... this person is already too much wasting his/her time, without doing something "useful", then I will tell him/her my point of view. Just in case he/she never thought about it. But if he/she ever thought about it, or already knew, or really aware of that, and still, he/she lives the way he/she does, then I can't blame him/her. It's his/her choice.

What about me? I myself, thinking globally; I had been born, it wasn't my decision nor my asked. I had been born. While in this world that has so many things, why don't I try to explore. Don't scared of wrong, do not scared of fail. Do whatever I want to. If I failed, the sky wouldn't fall down. If the sky fell down, it had not been a big deal!

People like to make a purpose, want, desire, wish, dream. A purpose is a purpose. Nothing more, it make your life, your entire energy, focus on your purpose. What if you got it? Your life is fulfilled? Ah, bullshit! A purpose is something we make. WE make it. We manipulate our life. But, it is life, there to be manipulated. So, it's legal. Rather than the watcher, I'd better be the player. Make some purpose. It's just like a mini game. If you are a gamer, this life is a big game. In this big game, there are lots of mini game. How to collect gold from this game? You can try to open an ice cream shop. That's a mini game. Oh, this life is so much fun. What if I fail? Then you fail! Let's try another mini game? Or you still curious about that ice cream shop? Wanna give it a second chance? When you succeed with your mini game, you got your purpose. Is it the end of the game? I don't think so. It's just a mini game. Why don't you try to make relation with the opposite sex? Just like the SIMS. Yeah. Are you bored of all this stuff? Maybe you just don't know many other exciting mini game. That's why, please, read much, be opened... If you can enjoy this big game, you won't have too much time for sit and counting the day, watching the clock ticking. And suddenly, you are 70. It's time to finish this game. It's the end. Now let's look back, review what have you done. Pretty much? Pretty good? Satisfied? Not so good? Better luck next time!!! Cya!

About Opportunity

Here are several of them I found from the internet:

"Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity."
Seneca (Roman philosopher, mid-1st century AD)

What if: A man offered me to buy a lottery ticket. Because I wanted to help him, I bought it. Then I won a big price from that ticket. Had I been done any preparations? The lottery ticket that was offered by the man was an opportunity for sure. Could that winning be called my luck? Please Seneca, accept that people do lucky sometimes. ^o^

"Don't wait for extraordinary opportunities. Seize common occasions and make them great. Weak men wait for opportunities; strong men make them."
Orison Swett Marden

Q: What so cool with "strong men"?
A: They are opportunities maker.
Q: Then who will get it?
A: Um.. I don't know. Maybe me!

The end of a Chapter

If life is a journey, I have completed it.

I gave my report to all my children. I let them read what I had accomplished. I know I was not a perfect example. So I let them decide what they should take and what they should just left behind.

I have nothing to be proud of and nothing to be embarrassed about. Because all proud and embarrassing things would mean nothing in a very near future.

I always think about my children. In my last days on earth, I thought more about them. And somehow I smiled, and was happy. For I have many children I can be proud of. Although I had worries in some of them, but I was sure they can help each other out. It was all because I reminded them every time I could, that in this life, brothers and sisters are the closest. You all must be solid. And I believe, they will.

And that was how, I can left them with no worries.

The Journey Begin

There is a man. A perfectionist from he was born, a Capricorn. His perfectionist was and still developing, pacing with the time. He realize a perfectionist is not a kind of person that could be happy. Since he thought this was brought from the first time he saw the world, he couldn't change it. It's flowing in his blood and growing in his brain, then affecting the atmosphere around.

Rarely he complained about it, but on the other hand, most of the time he said to himself, it wasn't that bad. Despite what kind of person are you, all have a meaning in this world, in this universe. Then he began to accept it. Realizing the long winding road, he straight up and look ahead, prepare the best for himself.

If a tree falls in the middle of a forest and there’s no one near by : does it make any sound?

Today I found a question in Paulo's website. It was questioned too at Yahoo! Answers by him.

The question is as the title:

If a tree falls in the middle of a forest and there’s no one near by : does it make any sound?

I read most of the answer from other people in yahoo and his site. I can say most of them agree the answer is yes, it make sound.

Since it was placed on philosophy category, I think this question is not as simple as it's looked. I wanted to answer at yahoo, but it had been closed. So I decided to write my answer at his site.

My answer is:

It depends on your mind.

What about you?

Poem - I'm Lost

Yesterday's flower still in the vase,
capturing the picture of my withered lover.
In this very silent night,
I sipped the red of wine from the bottom of my glass...

Tired and wounded, I'm standing still,
trying hard to go through this long curving steps.
Counting another one sleepless night,
laughing at me in it's empty universe.

3 am why I couldn't sleep,
thinking of your words in yesterday's fight.
Searching another reason that could possibly,
still couldn't figure out your way of thinking.

This relation is killing me slowly,
drain my blood, suck my energy, stop my brain.
I can't sustain,... yet I can't accept.
So let me yell to the brother mountain!!!
And let me kneel to the father sky...
And let me surrender to the Lord of Time.

ps: for indah, hope u like it. sorry took awhile to make this. for I was busy lately.

Poem - True Love is True

Watching a glass of water that is emptying,
slowly swallowing my regret of regrets,
The time keep moving forward,
But my soul is frozen in a piece of moment of us.

You and me both were wrong,
yourself that hunger for being freed,
and myself that could not understand,
all those happened without giving us a time to learn.

Separation produce no, more happiness,
separation doesn't give you more freedom,
all left is two shattered hearts,
and disgracing the immaculate love.

While the water hasn't run dry,
please forgive for I was young,
a green leave that just growing,
still searching and learning the meaning of life.

Although we are in different path now,
I want you to keep believing,
That true love is true.
And our soul will be once again reborn.

ps: request from my friend, therefore dedicate to D'Dy. Hope u will like this.

Poem - Aku dan Kamu Teman Selamanya (Me and You Friends Forever)

mentari masih terbit di ufuk timur,
dedaunan masih jatuh di musim gugur,
walau dalam nya hati tidak terukur,
berikan padaku penjelasan yang jujur!

aku adalah orang yang perasa,
aku juga orang yang lemah,
kalau ada kata ku salah,
jangan biarkan diam di dada.

udara kotor bercampur debu,
mencium keretakan persahabatan kita,
panas siang hari yang menyengat,
menambah jarak antara kita,
kesepian malam begitu pekat,
merasakan sosokmu yang tiada.

dan hanya sedetik kemudian,
aku tersadar dan menyesal,
maafkan aku yang terlalu banyak menuntut,
sebaliknya seharusnya aku berbahagia,
atas kebahagiaanmu.

ku pungut serpihan hati,
tuk merangkai untaian kata,
kan ku ikrarkan ke seluruh dunia,
aku dan kamu, teman selamanya.

ps:another request from my friend.

Translation (English): (I'd rather say, English Version)

Sunrise still glow in eastern sky
Golden leaves keep rushing to autumn mud
And the human heart still stands in unmeasured depth
Though,
I’m longing so for honest clearance in my thought

I am sensitive and limp
Easily wrong in speech
That I wish no one would care and keep in mind

Dusty wind filled the air
Spell out our broken friendship
Under this midday burning sun
I watch the spaces between us
rolling afar….
Grounded in the dark and lonesome night
Without your shadow by my side

After a while
I’m stroke in mind
Sorrow rise as I realize
I’ve insisted so hard and so much
of you as I wanted you to be
At times I should have dwelt in happiness in your way

And this moment
I’m picking up pieces of my heart
String them in fairly rhyme
For the whole world to share,
the words I declare
That you and I are friends
till the end of time…

Translated by : Nimrod (King of Babel aka King of Kekacauan, hahahaha !)

ps: thanks to my sister Sandy L for the translation.

Dubito, ergo cogito, ergo sum

What's the meaning of Cogito, ergo sum or Dubito, ergo cogito, ergo sum?

"Cogito, ergo sum" (Latin: "I think, therefore I am") or Dubito, ergo cogito, ergo sum (Latin: "I doubt, therefore I think, therefore I am") is a philosophical statement used by René Descartes, which became a foundational element of Western philosophy. The simple meaning of the phrase is that if someone is wondering whether or not he exists, that is in and of itself proof that he does exist. (wikipedia)

Why do I bring this topic on? Is it because it is cool with all these Latin terms? Of course not!

I never doubt without no reason. Do you know why I can doubt about something? It's because I think about it first (or: It's because I give every statement a deep thought before I can say that that statement is acceptable). So, in this case, I feel the need to correct our ancestor's words. I prefer: I think, therefore I doubt, therefore I am!

Gathas of Shen-hsiu and Hui-neng

神秀:
Shen-hsiu:

身是菩提樹
This body is the Bodhi-tree,
心如明鏡台
The soul is like a mirror bright;
時時勤拂拭
Take heed to keep it always clean,
莫使惹塵埃
And let no dust collect on it.

慧能:
Hui-neng:

菩提本無樹
The Bodhi is not like the tree,
明鏡亦非台
The mirror bright is nowhere shining;
本夾無一物
As there is nothing from the first,
何處惹塵埃
Where can the dust itself collect?

-Zen Buddhism-

The Commandments of Jante “Janteloven”

The term “the Commandments of Jante” is used to describe a way of thinking in the Scandinavian countries. It first appeared in the book “En flyktning krysser sine spor” by the Danish author Aksel Sandemose, a book about the small village Jante.

1. You shall not think that you ARE something.
2. You shall not think that you are as much as US.
3. You shall not think that you are wiser than US.
4. You shall not imagine that you are better than US.
5. You shall not think that you know more than US
6. You shall not think that you are better than US.
7. You shall not think that YOU are good at anything.
8. You shall not laugh at US.
9. You shall not think that anyone cares about YOU.
10. You shall not think that you can teach US anything.

From “En Flyktning krysser sine spor” by Aksel Sandemose

Poem - Beri Aku 12 Ros Merah

Ku tatap cermin, ada bayang mu.
Ku ulurkan tangan, meraih mu.
Jangan Cinta ada di dunia.
Jika kita terpisah benua.

Rabu ini begitu biru,
Tiada malam mengganti kelam.
Kalau Cinta ada di dunia,
Mengapa kita terpisah benua.

Kalau Rabu selalu biru,
Esok malam tak akan kelam.
Ada tak ada Cinta di dunia,
Kita berdiri di dua benua.

Musim semi menyapa bumi.
Ku tatap cermin ku bersihkan hati.
Ros merah, mekar bersemi.
Aku melangkah dengan pasti.
Menggoda Cinta mengubur Mimpi.

ps: poem ini ditulis atas permintaan dari seorang teman. semoga disukai, dan berguna 'tuk kamu dan siapa saja yang membacanya.

Difference

I will bring another topic. Of course all is based on my point of view. Why do I keep saying "from my point of view"? This question has a relation with the topic I want to discuss now.

Before I'm now, I was an egoist, arrogant person. I was subjective, a stubborn. Hypocrite! Why did I say that? Do you ever... erm, I think most of the people is like that, they just don't realize it. Yes, you are one of them.

I think I'm the right man, the good man. I use logic. All my words are based on strong argument. I like to debate. I don't like something based on trust. Because It has no prove. People that trust something blindly, without even analyze it, or re think about it, is people that need an object. An object to hope, to ask, to beg, to blame, to share. It is because they are weak.

I was full of hate. I hate people that are weak, stupid. I couldn't stand with people that so... opposite to me. I would say that they are stubborn, because they didn't agree with me. I was even debating with my mom.

I don't want other people know my weakness! I will show that I'm strong. If you read my previous articles, I think you think I'm strong too. Do you want to know the real? The fact? The real and the fact is, I wrote those in a moment, a piece of moment in my life. Do you know the rest of the time? No? Ok! Then, I will tell you. The rest is not always like that. Stress, frustration, anger, hatred, emotion, and other junk... oops, it's not junk at all. Even those rubbish must be appreciated. Color of life.

I appreciate the differentiation. I realize we are all on the same level. Now I can appreciate a person that choose to be a beggar.

PS: for the higher level, I'm sorry, my articles still around these low level discussion.

I Believe There is Love

Like the title, of course I believe, and I'm sure everyone is. But if you think deeper, I'm sure you will arrive at the question, is there an everlasting love. Why do we need an everlasting one? This question is new to me. But I believe when love is gone, both side will be hurt, or, at least one of the two will get suffered.

Once I gone out with a girl that I must admit I didn't love. Well, I don't want to explain the reason. Sometimes I doubt if I can use this word, Love. Because I think I don't understand what is that. In other occasion, my other x: "Do you really love me?". Me: "No.". Ok, then we broke. Now I think I should explain why that answer got out from my mouth. This is not my defense, but a point of view of mine, I don't think I can love her really when I don't even know how or what the real love is. It was tragic.

There is funny story, I always told my girls, that I don't need to say it every time. "I love you." I told them, love is not only from mouth, of what we said. If I say "I love you so much" doesn't mean I really love you so much. Because I or other people can only lie. Then rather than asking those question "Do you love me?", you'd better conclude yourself if I love you from what I had done. Or, I prefer action than talk.

Whats the funny part? If I ask my x, most of them said that I was too cool to show my feeling in action. And whats that mean? I refuse to keep saying those word, and I didn't even show it in my action. That makes them think or doubt even, if I ever really loved them.

Well, now I'd learned. They need both talk and action.

Sometimes I like to wandering, is there really a couple that love each other till old and die, moreover, in this day, I doubt more.

I had loved, and been loved. I saw a pattern. It is sweet in the beginning. Bored in the middle. You can decide your ending. But after those many times, I still have a little hope, that there is indeed an everlasting love. Ok. I don't ask you to agree or oppose. Because I know, you don't know yourself. Even a 60 years old human can only give his/her opinion base on his/her own life experience. And thanks, but I know, everybody have their own story.

If there is really a true love in this world, I want to give it a try. Yeah lol, of course, not only me, everybody want it. Ok, not everyone, but most of the human being. There is always a mutant. Now I'm trying to find, or at least I hope there is. Because I think if I live as human only to satisfy other people, seem useless. If I get married only to satisfy my parent, I'd better not. If in the end, I couldn't find someone I love, I'd better not to get married. I will let other people think that I'm weird. I will conclude they are only a group of people that never think further, or a group of people that too care for other opinion, or scared of being the topic of gossip.

But sometimes I doubt about how long I can stay like this. I mean think like this, or in other word, strong like this. Will I feel lonely when I'm older because I don't have another person to live with, or to share, or to defend, to care, to love, love, to defend, to die for?

My friend told me to open my heart. Ehm.. how? My nephew just opened his heart in the surgery. Thanks to everybody that pray for him. Now he is ok.

I follow the trend. The trend is, people like to read about love. I provide them.

A Time to Choose

It has been couple of days since the last time I wrote. There were many days at nite, when I wanted to write, but I didn't have enough time. Now, I will spend my one hour lunch time.

Yesterday, I was thinking about quotes. There are many quotes from various famous people. I'm sure almost everyone has his/her own favorite quotes. I believe, I have one or more too.

It had happened before, when I think, I finally understood about the quote.

Maybe you are confused of the meaning of the above line. Don't worry. I will explain.

I read a quote, I liked it, I remembered it. I began to say about it. I quoted the quote in my write, or I told to other in my speech. I advised people using it (the quote). Almost everybody understood, agreed, and believed, because it was really a good quote.

Then there were times, when it happened to me. I was in the situation which is as it is describe in the quote, or very close. Or I can say, when the quote is best applied to me or my situation. Can't you understand? (hosh... hosh..).

Ok. Whether you understand or not, I should continue my story. When that happened to me, and I thought about the quote, or someone reminded me to that, that time I finally understood.

For example (for understanding sake), These are common sentences: "We live what we choose.", "It's not what you say, it's what you do.", finally "Life you want is the life you have to make." These 3 sentences I quoted from a song lyric. But I'm sure it's acceptable, understandable, agreeable for most of people.

It's been since a long time I was thinking about my life, how I live it. Several days ago, a friend of mine gave me this song lyric. First, I heard the song. Ordinary, reminded me to the other song. It has a same rhythm. Then I went to the lyric. At the last part, I read those sentences. Perfect! I began to sing along, and then repeated it several times. I thought, I always say to others, that people must work in their field, and what they like. In that way, we can enjoy our work, that is our life. Then I would tell them, "Look at me, I like computer. I studied in the college majoring in IT. Then I work in a company which need my ability in that field. Since I like computer, of course I really enjoy my work."

You want to know what is the real? The real world is, I prefer designing than programming. Oh yeah, I can say this after I tried both. Of course there is still relation from designing to computer. Because nowadays, a designer can use computer to help their work. I already felt the joy of designing for my work, and I already felt the stress coding for my program. But the situation was not always like that.

I rarely sharing with friends asking suggestions. Usually I would go to my brother or sisters. Therefore, no one knew and advised me. I need to thanks to someone, God! Thanks to God for I can advise myself from what other people had learned.

The next day, I told my boss, I wouldn't stay forever in programming. I will as fast as I can change my direction. I said: "I just think I need to tell you this. I tell you so you will know what I really want and enjoy. Don't worry, I will finish my duty first." I told him what I really want. By telling him, I made a move, one step closer to what I wanted. Because if I had never told and spoken, I would never do. If I had never done, then I would never feel the joy of my work, my life.

All because I live what I choose. And this is not what I said, but what I do. I'm making the life I wanted to.

Oops, it's 1.18 PM. I gotta back to my work. (excuses oh... excuses)

A Time to Write

Today is a holy day for Moslem. I live in Indonesia which most of the population is Moslem. While the rest is Christian, a small part of Buddhism, and very little of Hinduism. And the uncounted with their trust to the God in their way.

I must thank to this holy day for I have time to do what I want to do. Because I'm free from my job as an engineer.

It was started when I was a kid. I started to love to write stories. And my teacher loved to read what I wrote. And then I became more enjoy to write because of the satisfaction I got when they liked it, when they laughed, or with serious face tried to understand the story, or in the face of pity for one of the character. I know it's not a good reason to write if it is not come from myself, but if I rethink it again, it is not so bad if I want to see others, happy for what I had done. So I conclude what I really want for myself or what satisfy me is when others are happy, or helped from what I did, or in other phrase, my job contribute to the civilization, and that makes me feel useful, as human. And then in the end, it come back to myself, that I want to do something useful in my life. And if I can go one step further, I don't need my name to be known or remembered, as long as what I did give something... useful, improvement, and glory, of the human race.

And then, there was time when I was crazy about drawing, math, sport specially badminton, physics, computer, games, math again, physics again, a little writing and drawing, then another kind of games, internet, back to computer, the internet never go away, books (thanks to a friend of mine who was called The Librarian when she was young, who introduced me to reading. Oh yeah, she read everything. if money and time are not a problem, I believe all books, from the crappy one to those that put very nice on the shelf that is titled Bestseller will be bought by her).

And then there were time, when an old friend of mine, who once I respected (because he is the king of the organization where I was one of the small pawn), asked me what my dream is. It's quite a common question lately. I don't know when people start to think if one should have a dream in this life. But for nowadays, I judge that they start reading one of those best seller books and discover that they do need a dream, so they will have a direction in this life, as if they know the direction is a right one, as if there is a point far far from where they are now as a target, as if, anything around where they are now, is less importance.

He introduced me to a book, a book that have a great impact in his life (as he said). He didn't suggested me to read that, but as he introduced it to me, that is all he need. Curious me started to find the book. It took me 2 days to finish it. The book is good, or great even. And the statistic said, it was one of the most sold book on earth.

It wasn't the things it is written that was important, but the writing itself. It reminded me once again, to the joy, the old old joy, once I found in my life. And of course you know, I want to feel it again.

For nothing in this world is easy as we want it to be, I did find many difficulties. If I ever went to hell, since I never, I will use the word as it is described, then, it would be like Hell.

The desire of writing again was started when I was in the last semester of my bachelor degree. And as you know, or if you don't know, here is the fact. The last semester is the most important semester, for it is the time when we spend to write something from what we have learned in the last 3 years. And that task made me have a very little time even only to think about writing. So I decided, once I graduate from this college, that time is when I have a bunch of time to spend, to do what I want to do, include writing. And I hang this desire there, for I know there will be time when I will reach that. Priority just spoke.

Six month passed, and I finished my thesis just as scheduled (for note, through a hard time of course! up and down). I felt relief, and was crazy about the empty space I had in my time. Then the empty space filled up very fast, go went reading, reading, sleep, eat, designing, reading, do fun stuff on the internet, designing, reading, a bit chit chat with friends, and finally I reach the place where once I hanged my desire of writing.

As a beginner of this game, I did gather all the necessary information of writing. From the internet of course, because I don't remember since when, I start very depending (?grammar grammar!) on the internet. I always tell everyone, internet is the big library where you can find anything you want to know. After I read many, well, not so many, tips from various author or one who claim himself/herself a great author, then I came to conclusion, there is nothing as a rule to be a good writer. Most of them have different style, and for you to know, there are indeed nothing in common from what they said as their tips. Best I can do is grouping them in many groups, where each tip from a group have the similarity in the method of writing. But the groups are many, where each group provide very distinct point of view. And the conclusion was there, there are no general rules of writing. So I decided to go on with my style.

First, you will face to choose a topic. A technical guide book which will be filled with step by step learning of some kind of technology will be the very easy one. Why did I say that? Because we write something that is there for us to write. We just need to figure out a good way for the reader to understand and easily learn what we wrote. Just like the series for dummies books. Adding jokes for relaxing. Imagining you are teaching dummies.

A fiction will bring a bit challenge. But for sure, is not based on a true story. Because if it is a true story or based on a true story, it will be just same as the above case, you write something that is already there, you only translate the event into text. Although not as easy as I describe, but in my opinion, a fiction that falls into pure fiction, that comes from an imagination of creativity is in the higher state. Since I couldn't find another state that is higher for that time, I decided to start with what is on the top, from my point of view of course.

Next is about the topic. I needed to choose, a topic about fantasy, stuff that never exist in this world or we had never seen, or about life. I'll tell you, first I decided to stick on life, then I changed to fantasy. Then I went back to life. Why? For the current time, I provide you with the current reason, that life is still mystery, while fantasy is never exists. I will go on with the easy to understand phrase, we can't understand even we tried to, on the other hand, we try to create something that never exists. Creating something that never exists will always give a result, whether it is near the real, the what it should be, the what we want it on the first place, or a bit farther, but it has a result. And then, a mystery is a mystery.

Since I have a free time, the empty space now only filled with writing. I wrote some rather short story about life, love, and sent it to my friend to read. "For the first time shot, it's not bad." That was her comment. And then I went to the second, a rather long, but I had to stop the project, because I was in need of other attention, that was to get a job. Just as other people, after graduated from college, they will educate themselves at the firm, company, and other place. To earn money to support living and to learn new stuff, stuff about life. I found this important because if I couldn't balance this need, I can never write a story.

I managed to get a job, and was employed in a not so big company. I was happy and thought I would have time at night to spend for writing. Then once again I was wrong. I couldn't concentrate on two things at a time. I found myself busy with technical related issues. I spent my time more than I imagined in dedication to my work. Then once again, I felt pity for myself, that have no time to do what I wanted to do.

Now I think I should end this, because not you as reader will be bored for the long story, but I myself start to feel boring. But before I end it, I should put this note. I have a brother and four sisters, means, we are six kids from our parent. We are all separated in a distance place in several countries. And we communicate through mail, electronic mail of course, or email. Lately, there was hot topic in our discussion, that is about blog. You can imagine yourself, I end up here. Or I can rephrase, I started here. :-)

PS: Forgive for my poor English, for I was born and living in the country where we communicate in other language. (excuses oh... excuses)

Axiom

Birth is not caused by death and will not produce death.
Birth is not a beginning and death is not the end.
Same as life is not the middle in between.

If I think, I will one step advance.
If I think again, I will go back to the original state.

Action force doesn't produce reaction force.
Both happen in the same moment.

Evil is not Good's enemy, they complete each other.

If there is no general truth, then there will be no life guidance.
There is no life guidance is a general truth.

Words above sometimes right, sometimes wrong.

If you understand, then you don't understand.
If you don't understand, then you understand.

Poem - Aku Manusia Bodoh

aku sering merasa terganggu.
di saat aku sedang asik dengan sesuatu.
telepon berdering dan
aku harus meninggalkan keasikan ku.
tuk sementara waktu.

jikalau pembicaraan sudah cukup lama.
dan tidak ada hal yang penting untuk dibicarakan.
aku mulai merasa telah menyia-nyiakan waktu ku.

walau aku tau.
bukan inti dari pembicaraan itu yang perlu.
akan tetapi,
pembicaraan itu sendiri yang perlu.

aku belajar untuk bersabar.
karena aku tahu,
komunikasi itu perlu.

kadang aku sedikit kesal.
dan menyalahkan dia karena telah menyia-nyiakan waktu ku.
dan,
kadang aku menyesal.

nanti aku akan bebas,
aku punya waktu yg ku mau.
dan tidak ada yang akan mengganggu.

tetapi nanti aku akan merindukan,
telepon yang berdering mengganggu ku.

dan kemudian, aku tidak akan punya keasikan.
karena aku terus memandang,
dan terus menunggu,
telepon itu.

dan kemudian aku akan menyesal.
karena aku telah marah dan kesal.

nanti dia telah pergi.
dan tidak akan pernah kembali.

sekarang aku tidak tahu.
aku harus marah, kesal,
atau aku harus bersabar.

(imported from old site)

Failure Vs Success

It's alright, don't be sad.
It is not the end of the world.

Failure is usual,
ordinary,
natural,
and normal.
It's not something disgraceful.

I always think, failure and success are equal.
Both of them give me lessons.

I never scared of failure.
Because I realize, no matter what the result, I will always get something valuable.

(imported from old site)